Elsewhere

There’s something about August 2026 that feels special to me.

I’ve been thinking about everything that happened that month, and I thought I’d write about some of it. Not that I figured anything out or made any important decisions about my life. I don’t think anything particularly life-changing happened, either. But there were quite a few moments that made me feel things I hadn’t really thought about before.

Anyway, here’s what happened.

The month started with Banditos’ fourth trip to Bandung! It’s been a while since we last had a Banditos trip, and it’s nice to see everyone together again. This time, we also welcomed some of our friends from high school. We went out, ate barbarically, visited the night market, had some drinks, and shared a few laughs with the same old, stupid sense of humor. I guess we haven’t changed much in that aspect.

But most importantly, we caught up with each other’s lives. It’s always interesting to see how much has changed in our individual lives while our dynamics as friends have remained mostly the same. We have different jobs, responsibilities, relationships and problems now, and we certainly don’t see each other as often as we used to. But whenever we get together, it doesn’t take long before we’re behaving exactly as we did years ago.

It was a weekend well spent.

Then, it was my birthday month!

This year’s birthday was quiet and peaceful. My friends didn’t wish me a happy birthday. Maybe they forgot, but that’s okay. I actually prefer it that way. I’ve never really enjoyed making a big deal out of my own birthday anyway. My mother and older brother were the first to wish me a happy birthday. Then my family’s WhatsApp group chat lit up, because it wasn’t just my birthday. It was my twin sister’s and my father’s birthday too. My two most recent exes wished me a happy birthday as well. And some coworkers. Oh, and an organization I was involved in back at university sent me a birthday email, haha. They send me one every year. Very sweet of them.

Anyway, on my birthday, my mother, my older brother and I picked up my younger sister at the airport. She flew from Singapore, where she lives and works, to Jakarta for the weekend because she had a dress fitting for my twin sister’s wedding. After the airport, we went to a Japanese BBQ all-you-can-eat restaurant and had a nice meal together. Then we bought a few slices of different cakes, went to the hotel, and ate them while watching Love on the Spectrum on Netflix. My little sister introduced us to the show, and I absolutely loved it. We laughed, cheered, commented on everything, and even clapped whenever something exciting or particularly sweet happened. We were genuinely invested in the participants’ dating lives. There’s something really sweet about watching people trying to find love and build connections with one another. And somehow, watching that show made dating and building relationships look so easy, haha. If only.

Anyway, it was a very nice, quiet, ordinary birthday. Nothing particularly exciting. Just spending time with my family, eating good food, and watching television together.

I liked it.

Another thing that happened in August was that I started enjoying going to the cinema again!

As I mentioned in Drop Waves, I used to love watching movies at the cinema. It was one of my favorite things to do. But ever since I started dealing with health anxiety, I haven’t been able to enjoy it as much, and it has become an increasingly uncomfortable experience. Sitting in a dark theater, surrounded by people, knowing that I couldn’t just leave whenever I wanted without disturbing everyone, somehow made me anxious. I would worry about collapsing, fainting, or even dying right there in the cinema. Instead of paying attention to the movie, I would constantly monitor my physical symptoms and heart rate, wondering how much longer I had to sit there before the movie ended. I remember watching Obsession while feeling like I was on the verge of a panic attack throughout almost the entire movie. Seriously, I thought I could die just from anticipating the next jump scare. But somehow, I still enjoyed the adrenaline rush? Haha. It was an excellent movie, by the way. A game changer in the horror genre, in my opinion. The sudden, abrupt cuts between scenes, the constant shouting and the way it uses music made the whole thing incredibly unsettling.

Anyway, what was I talking about?

Oh, yeah. The cinema.

So, in August, I watched Spider-Man: Brand New Day in 4DX after work. And I really enjoyed it! I had a surprisingly good time. I think it’s one of the best Spider-Man movies. It somehow felt like a high-budget indie film (which I mean as a compliment), with good writing and a lot of heart. But what made the experience particularly nice was that I actually managed to enjoy being in the theater again. There were still moments when I felt anxious, of course. I still found myself paying attention to my heart rate and how my body was feeling. But I managed to get through the movie, enjoy the experience, and go home feeling fine. It might sound like a very ordinary thing to be happy about. I mean, it’s just watching a movie. But considering how much I used to love going to the cinema, and how difficult it had become for me to enjoy it, I was pretty happy about that.

Hopefully, I’ll get to enjoy more movies in the cinema again, without having to worry so much about things that probably aren’t going to happen.

But then, unfortunately, August was also the month when my family’s coffee shop, Byarin, finally went out of business.

After five years.

We first opened Byarin in 2021, right in the middle of the COVID pandemic. The story behind how we started the business was actually a bit absurd. It involved some assholes who made me lose a little faith in people. But eventually, my family got rid of those assholes and decided to run the business ourselves. Well, mostly my mother and older brother handled the operational, financial and commercial aspects. I was more involved in the creative and social sides of the business, like setting up and managing our social media accounts and website, coming up with some creative concepts, and inviting my friends to come over and spend time there.

I remember working on the café’s layout, coming up with names for our menu items, and staying there late at night putting up Renaissance artworks on the second floor. I also remember the first few months after we opened. We had all kinds of people coming in. There were private parties that got a little out of control, people secretly bringing alcohol into the coffee shop, and, of course, our regular customers who eventually became familiar faces.

And I know I might be a little biased here, but I genuinely think our coffee and signature mocktails were really good.

Oh, I wish you guys could’ve tried them.

There were so many ups and downs throughout those five years. We made mistakes, learned things the hard way, dealt with difficult situations, and experienced the occasional excitement of running a business. One of the nicest feelings was walking into the coffee shop and seeing it full of people. Or even something as simple as overhearing someone on the phone saying, “Gue di Byarin nih.” I don’t know why, but hearing someone casually mention the name of something we built gave me a strange sense of happiness and pride. Like, hey, that’s our place. It was such a simple remark, but there was something nice about knowing that a place we’d created had become part of someone else’s ordinary day.

But I think what I’ll miss the most is everything that happened inside that coffee shop. People went on first dates there. Friends, families and coworkers reunited. Some people spent hours working on their laptops. Some celebrated birthdays. Others came to have long conversations for hours, meet new people, or simply enjoy a cup of coffee. There must have been countless conversations, arguments, laughter, and perhaps even a few heartbreaks that happened there without us ever knowing. I like the idea that Byarin was, for a little while, a small part of other people’s lives.

I had some of my own memories there, too. There were times when I would bring my friends over, spend hours talking about absolutely nothing, or just sit there enjoying the fact that we had a place of our own.

And, of course, we had employees. We created jobs, even though our employee turnover was admittedly quite high. One of the saddest parts of closing the business was knowing that we could no longer provide those jobs.

I know that businesses open and close all the time. And I know that, at the end of the day, running a business means making difficult decisions when things are no longer sustainable. I don’t think there’s much point in romanticizing the closure or pretending that it was some beautiful lesson about letting go. We ran a business, experienced its ups and downs, and eventually reached a point where we had to close it.

But it’s still sad.

I wish things had turned out differently, of course. Byarin existed, people came, things happened, and now it’s gone. I’ll miss it. It’s strange to think that a place that used to be part of our everyday lives, a place where people made memories without even realizing it, is now permanently closed. I don’t know whether we’ll ever open another coffee shop. Maybe we will, maybe we won’t.

But I’m glad we had Byarin for those five years.

Anyway, moving on to something a little less depressing.

August apparently was also wedding season!

There were quite a few weddings involving familiar faces that I saw on Instagram Stories. Some of them were particularly interesting, not necessarily because of the weddings themselves, but because of the histories and connections between certain people involved. I won’t get into the details, but let’s just say that if you knew enough about their past relationships and social circles, you could probably create an entirely, absolutely insane cinematic universe out of them. There were unexpected connections, fascinating plot developments, and enough material for several seasons of a television drama. I found myself rather entertained by the whole thing, occasionally laughing to myself just thinking about it. Perhaps I spent too much time being curious about other people’s lives, but some stories are simply too interesting to ignore, haha.

Speaking of weddings, though, the biggest highlight of August 2026 was, of course, my twin sister’s wedding!

She was the first among us siblings to get married. It’s actually quite funny when I think about it. Growing up, I was probably the most openly romantic person in the family. I was the one who openly talked about my relationships, introduced my girlfriends to my family, and brought them to family events. Not that my twin sister was particularly secretive about her relationships. She was pretty open about them too, and had some serious relationships in the past. So it wasn’t exactly surprising that she was the first to get married. Still, there’s something a little strange about seeing your twin sister getting married.

We had two wedding receptions: one in Singapore and another in Jakarta. For the Singapore wedding, my family flew over and spent the weekend together. We went to the beach, had drinks at a bar in Clarke Quay, watched the light and water show at Gardens by the Bay and Marina Bay Sands, visited a night street food market, did some shopping, and, as usual, spent a ridiculous amount of time eating.

It was a really nice family trip, made even more enjoyable by the fact that we were all there for such a happy occasion.

But one of my favorite moments from that weekend was actually something very simple.

The day before the wedding, my father, my mother, my older brother, my twin sister, my younger sister, and me, had breakfast together. Just the six of us. We were simply sitting around a table, eating and talking as we normally would. But I remember thinking that it was probably our last breakfast together as a family of six before my twin sister got married. Of course, it’s not like we would never have breakfast together again. And it’s not like she would suddenly stop being our sister after getting married. But somehow, the thought crossed my mind. We’ve been a family of six for almost three decades. And while we’ve all grown older, moved around, and started living our own lives, in my head, we’re still those same six people who used to live under one roof. So that breakfast felt a little special. Not in some dramatic, emotional way. We were just having breakfast, talking, and eating as usual. But I liked that moment.

Then came the wedding day.

The wedding itself was lovely. We got to meet my twin sister’s husband’s family, and I got to witness an Islamic solemnization conducted in English for the first time. It was interesting hearing the familiar Islamic marriage proceedings in a different language and setting. The food was excellent, too. It was a buffet, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, haha. I spent a ridiculous amount of time there just eating and trying different kinds of food. And I got to give a speech! I was quite happy about that. I’ve always enjoyed writing and speaking at events. And being able to say a few words at my twin sister’s wedding was something special.

And then there was the moment when I saw her there in her wedding dress, next to her husband.

I don’t really know how to describe it. I mean, I’ve known this person literally my entire life. We were born on the same day, grew up in the same house, went through childhood and adolescence at roughly the same time, and shared some parts of our early lives together. And now there she was, wearing a beautiful wedding dress, standing next to a man who was about to become, or had just become, her husband.

It was strange.

Not strange in a bad way. Just strange in the sense that I was suddenly looking at someone I’d known my entire life in a completely different situation.

She was getting married. My twin sister was actually getting married.

I guess a part of me still thinks of us as kids. Or teenagers. Or junior high school students who were just figuring things out. And yet, there she was, starting a new chapter of her life with someone else. I was genuinely happy for her. I wasn’t particularly emotional. I didn’t cry or anything. Well, I mean, to be honest, I maybe cried a little bit while writing my speech. But I remember feeling very content, watching her and her husband together, surrounded by both of their families. It was a wonderful feeling.

The following weekend, we had another wedding reception in Jakarta, this time, with more of our family, relatives and friends. My family and I spent the weekend at a hotel and enjoyed another few days together. I also realized, once again, that I actually enjoy hosting events. It’s a little contradictory because I don’t like being the center of attention (or maybe I actually do, I don’t know). But I do enjoy welcoming people, talking to guests, making sure everyone is having a good time, and just being involved in making an event happen. Maybe that’s something I should do more often, haha.

Anyway, both wedding weekends were wonderful. They were filled with good food, family, familiar faces, and plenty of moments that I’ll probably remember for a long time. It was especially nice having the whole family together for an extended period, something that doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to.

And I think what made them particularly special was that, for those two weekends, my family was together.

Which brings me to the last days of August.

On the day after the Jakarta wedding reception, we went to the airport to say goodbye to my older brother. He was leaving for Madrid to pursue his master’s degree. He first announced his plan to study in Madrid at the end of last year, on his birthday. And throughout the following months, I never really thought much about it. I mean, I knew he was going. We talked about it. We knew when he would leave, how long he would be there, and what he would be doing. In my head, it was just, “Oh yeah, he’s going to Madrid for a year.” That’s it.

But when the day finally came, it felt different.

We accompanied him to the airport, spent some time together, and eventually said our goodbyes. And when I watched him walk toward the immigration gate, I suddenly felt sad. Not overwhelmingly sad. I didn’t burst into tears or anything. But there was this strange feeling in my chest as I watched him walk farther away until I could no longer see him.

It felt like a proper farewell.

Which is ridiculous, really, because he’s only going away for less than a year. And it’s not like Madrid is some unreachable place. We have phones. We have WhatsApp. We can video call each other whenever we want. I’ve traveled abroad before, too. Hell, I’ve even been to Madrid. I’ve spent time away from my family, and so have my siblings.

So I don’t really know why that particular moment made me feel that way.

Maybe it was because we’d just spent two weekends celebrating my twin sister’s wedding together. Maybe it was because we had so much family time throughout August, and suddenly one of us was leaving. Or maybe I was just being sentimental. I don’t know. But I was happy for him. And proud of him, too. I just wished we could’ve spent a little more time together before he left.

And just like that, August 2026 came to an end.

⸻

Looking back, I initially thought that August 2026 would be a month that reminded me of how old I was getting.

I just turned 29. My twin sister got married. My older brother left to pursue his master’s degree. And throughout the month, I kept seeing people I knew getting married, building families, and moving forward with their lives. I thought all of this would make me feel like I was falling behind. Because, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not exactly where I imagined I would be at this age. When I was younger, I thought that by the time I was almost 30, I would’ve had most of my life figured out. Maybe I’d be married already. Or at least in a serious relationship with someone I knew I wanted to marry. Maybe I’d have a decent amount of savings in my bank account. My own car. Maybe even started paying installments on a house. You know, the usual things people seem to associate with becoming a proper adult. I thought I’d be a little more settled by now.

Instead, here I am at 29, still single, still figuring out what I want to do with my life.

And seeing my twin sister getting married, especially since we’re the same age, could’ve easily made me compare my life with hers. I genuinely thought I would feel jealous. Not jealous of her happiness, of course. But jealous of the fact that she seemed to have reached a stage of life that I’d always imagined I would’ve reached by now. But surprisingly, I didn’t really feel that way. I was just happy for her.

And when my older brother left for Madrid, I didn’t find myself thinking about how he was pursuing another degree while I was still here, working and trying to figure out my own plans. I was happy for him, too. Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly completely satisfied with my own life. I still have things I want to achieve, things I regret, and things I’m worried about.

I still want to get married someday. I want to have a family of my own. I want to pursue further education, build a better career, become financially stable, and do so many other things.

And I still get anxious sometimes when I think about how quickly time seems to be passing.

But somehow, those weren’t the things that occupied my mind when I looked back at August 2026. In fact, I couldn’t care less about all of them, at all.

Instead, I kept thinking about my family.

I thought about that ordinary birthday when we ate cake while watching Love on the Spectrum. I thought about the two wedding weekends, the time we spent together in Singapore and Jakarta, and that breakfast when the six of us sat together before my twin sister’s wedding. I thought about my older brother walking away at the airport.

And I started remembering what it was like when we were younger. Back when all six of us lived together in the same house in Jakarta and spent an enormous amount of time together. Back when my siblings and I would spend our days doing things together. We’d see each other in the morning, have meals together, watch television, go on after school activities, like English lessons, piano courses and swimming practices, and spend our evenings doing whatever it was we did back then. I don’t remember every detail of those days, but I remember the general feeling of having everyone around.

The funny thing is that I don’t think I ever considered any of that particularly special when I was younger. It was simply how things were. Having my siblings around was such an ordinary part of life that I rarely thought about what it would be like when we no longer lived together. I knew, in theory, that we’d eventually grow up, graduate, get jobs, move out, and perhaps start families of our own. But those possibilities seemed distant enough that they didn’t really mean anything to me at the time. I suppose it’s difficult to imagine what growing apart geographically might feel like when you’re still living in the same house and seeing each other every day.

Which is exactly what’s happening now.

My younger sister works and lives in Singapore. So is my twin sister, who is also married now. My older brother is studying in Madrid. And I’m living and working in Bandung. We still have our family home in Jakarta, of course. And we still see each other whenever we can. But the ordinary experience of having all six of us in the same place has gradually become something we look forward to rather than something we can simply expect.

I guess that’s what made those two wedding weekends, and August 2026 in general, feel special to me. For a little while, we were all together again. Not because it was a regular weekend when everyone happened to be home, but because there was something important happening in our family, and we all made time to be there. And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the meals, the conversations, the stupid jokes, the little arguments, and even the moments when we weren’t doing anything particularly interesting. It wasn’t exactly like being children again, of course. We’re all adults now, with our own lives and responsibilities, and the conversations are certainly different from the ones we used to have. But there was something familiar and comforting about spending so much time together, and I think I’d missed that more than I realized.

And it reminded me of how much I actually enjoy being around my family.

Which is funny, because I don’t think I’ve ever been the kind of person who openly expresses affection toward my siblings. I don’t go around telling them how much I love them or how grateful I am to have them. That would be incredibly awkward, haha.

But I do love them.

And I think I miss the days when we were all living under the same roof, even though I probably didn’t appreciate those days nearly as much when they were actually happening.

I’m glad that my siblings are living their own lives and doing great things with themselves. None of these things are particularly surprising, and they’re certainly not things to be sad about. They’re simply what happens when people grow up. But I suppose there’s a difference between understanding that intellectually and actually experiencing it within your own family.

I don’t want to give the impression that I wish things had stayed the same. I don’t. I’m happy that my siblings are pursuing their own paths, and I hope they’ll continue to find happiness and success in whatever they choose to do. I also enjoy many aspects of my own independence. But I do occasionally miss the simplicity of those days, when being together didn’t require a special occasion and when the idea of living in different cities or countries was still something that belonged to the distant future. I guess I just miss certain parts of growing up together.

And perhaps that’s why watching my twin sister get married and my older brother leave for Madrid felt a little strange. Not because I was unhappy about either of those things, but because they reminded me that our lives are changing. And that they’ll probably keep changing. One day, there might be more weddings. Maybe children. More people joining the family. More places to visit, more birthdays to celebrate, and more reasons for us to get together. I look forward to those things. And I also know that the way we spend time together will probably never be exactly like it was when we were kids. And that’s okay. I don’t think there’s anything particularly sad or tragic about that. It’s just something I hadn’t really thought about until recently.

So, yeah.

I thought August 2026 would be a month that made me worry about turning 30, being single, not having my life plans all worked out, or feeling like I was behind everyone else. Instead, it made me think about my childhood, my siblings, and how much I enjoy having my family around. It also made me realize that, despite all the things I haven’t achieved yet, there are still plenty of things in my life that I’m genuinely happy about.

I’m still worried about my future, of course. I’m still figuring things out, and I still have absolutely no idea how some of my plans are going to work out. But I don’t think I need to turn every birthday, wedding or family gathering into some sort of assessment of how well I’m doing in life.

Sometimes I can just enjoy being there.

And August 2026 was a pretty good month for that.

And maybe that’s all I really wanted to say about August 2026. It was a good month, filled with ordinary moments and a few important occasions, and it reminded me of how much I enjoy having my family around. I don’t know when all six of us will next have the opportunity to spend that much time together, or what our lives will look like when we do. But I’m glad we had those weekends, and I’m glad I have something so nice to look back on.

And anyway, there’s a song I’ve been listening to quite a lot lately, The Mother We Share by CHVRCHES. I’ve always liked it, but recently I’ve found myself thinking about my siblings whenever it comes on. So I’d like to dedicate it to them, even though I’m almost certain none of us would ever say anything this sentimental to one another in person, haha.

Finally, I’d like to end this post with the speech I wrote and delivered at my twin sister’s wedding in Singapore. I think it captures some of the things I’ve been trying to express here, and it seems like an appropriate way to end this little reflection on August 2026, why it ended up being such a memorable month for me. Besides, I think it’s really cool and awesome, so it would be a shame not to share it with the world.

Good afternoon, everyone.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Davi, and I’m Diandra’s twin brother.

And I think I can confidently say that, out of everyone in this room, I have known Diandra the longest.

I actually met her before any of you did.

We met inside our mother’s womb.

We spent around nine months there together, getting to know each other, sharing food, probably fighting for space.

Then one day, Diandra was born and came out into the world.

I followed her two minutes later.

And apparently, I was quite a big baby, while Diandra was the little one. So I’m not sure how the whole space-sharing arrangement worked in there, but I apologize.

So, quite literally, since before we were born, we have been together.

And then we grew up together.

We lived in the same house. We went to the same school, in the same grade, although thankfully in different classes.

Diandra obviously had better grades than I did.

I remember her being kind to everyone. I remember the friends she had, and the times when having friends wasn’t always easy. I remember watching her grow from this tiny little girl into a teenager.

I even remember when she had a crush on one of my friends.

There are so many little things I remember about growing up with Diandra. And the funny thing is, none of them seemed particularly important at the time.

It was just our life.

Going to school. Going to English courses, piano lessons, swimming practices. Coming home. Growing up in the same house. Annoying each other. Watching each other go through all the weird phases of being children and teenagers.

When you’re a kid, you don’t really think that one day you’re going to miss those things.

You just assume that life is always going to be like that.

But then, in 2011, Diandra moved to Singapore with our younger sister, Andjani.

And she has lived here ever since.

She went through secondary school here. Then polytechnic. Then university. And eventually, she started working and built a life of her own here.

And I stayed in Indonesia.

That was 15 years ago.

I was thinking about that while writing this speech, and I realized something that made me quite sad.

For the first half of our lives, I got to see Diandra grow up every single day.

And for the second half, I didn’t.

I didn’t get to see all the ordinary days that turned the girl I grew up with into the woman standing here today.

And I think that’s why, when I look back at our childhood now, I feel incredibly fond of it.

Because there was a time when my twin sister was simply always there.

Same house. Same school. Same age. Same life.

And I don’t think I knew then how special that was.

But being apart also meant that I got to watch Diandra become someone I really admire.

She moved away from home when she was incredibly young. And while she was still growing up herself, she also took on the responsibility of looking after our younger sister.

I don’t think I’ve ever properly told you this, but I really admire you for that.

There are so many things you’ve done that I’m not sure I could have done at your age.

You’ve built a life here. You’ve become independent. You’re hardworking, incredibly loyal, and still the kind person I remember growing up with.

And now, somehow, we’re here.

My twin sister is married.

Which feels very strange to say.

Adeel, congratulations.

You are now married to someone I’ve known for literally her entire existence, so I feel reasonably qualified to tell you that you’ve chosen a good one.

And I’m very happy that Diandra has found someone she wants to build a life with.

I hope the two of you will have a marriage filled with happiness, but also with friendship.

I hope you keep making each other laugh.

I hope you stay kind to each other, especially on the days when it’s difficult.

I hope you give each other room to grow and change, because the person you’re marrying today will not be exactly the same person 10, 20, or 40 years from now.

And I hope that, through all those different versions of yourselves, you continue choosing each other.

Adeel, please take good care of my sister.

And Diandra, please take good care of Adeel too.

Because knowing you, I don’t think I need to worry about whether you can take care of yourself.

You’ve been doing that for a very long time.

And finally,

It feels a little strange standing here and talking about you like this.

We don’t always say these things to each other. I suppose when someone has been part of your life for as long as you can remember, you assume that they already know.

But maybe some things are still worth saying out loud.

I’m really proud of the person you’ve become.

Sometimes I wish we could go back, just for a day, to when we were kids. When we lived in the same house, went to the same school, and neither of us had any idea where life was going to take us.

But I also know that growing up means we don’t get to stay there.

Life took us to different places.

And today, it has brought you here, standing beside someone you love, beginning a completely new part of your life.

We may not have grown up side by side for the last 15 years.

But you are still my twin sister.

You were there at the very beginning of my life.

Two minutes before me, apparently.

And wherever life takes us from here, there will always be a part of me that remembers us as those two kids growing up together.

I’m very lucky that I got to share that childhood with you.

I’m very proud of you.

And I love you.

Congratulations, Diandra and Adeel.

Here’s to the two of you, to the life you’re about to build together, and to all the ordinary days ahead that, one day, you’ll look back on and realize were the special ones.

Cheers.